no state but flow state
radio spiral for september - toes in the water eyes to the sky
i’m not much of a swimmer but i definitely float.
it’s been a summer of feeling the closest to alright only when submerged, so it made sense 2 me on a cellular level to be sonically exploring the theme of flow this month on The Spiral Times, which is the my radio show on Refuge Worldwide.
there are flows in our movements and life flows, death flows, the elusive ‘flow state’ and the strange youtube hole focus hacking subculture that goes along with it, and of course the dependable flow of wet wet water.
but first on floating:
i.
when trying to explain the connection for me between being in the water, defying the expectations set for me and generalised spite, i generally begin by mentioning that in school, the weekly swim class was divided into two groups, based on ability. these groups were called The Sharks and The Bricks. the former did diving, competitive lifesaving, while the latter had to stay in the shallow childrens’ pool. The Bricks were four nerdy boys clasping asthma pumps, two legends with downs syndrome, and me.
ii.
every new years day or thereabouts lisa and i get into the freezing lake in brandenburg in a beautiful village near where bertolt brecht retired to. this year, unlike last, the villagers had hung their huge nazi banners out on the roofs. i thought about every little element that had led up to this new adornment, and what the anti-fascist artists’ john heartfield who followed his friend bert, would think, as we swam in sight of his preserved old summer house. maybe there never was any alternative for deutschland. this lake has a rope swing and there is no expectation of clothes. i like to lie on my back with ears under the water and face the sky, limbs like an especially flaccid waterboatman. this water does not flow. lisa says that not everyone can do this move. i marvel at myself for a second, a normal thing turned into a special gift. i wonder if everyone in the sharks could do this, or if its a genetic, like rolling your tongue.
athens (ferry past the detention centre islands) / water under the earth in shetland & peering out from the dolmen / hexing the nazis in a blue leather bikini during one of our januaries
iii.
the shetland islands in april was the most northerly latitude i have ever swam in. the sea there is green and the pure white sand is made of old volcanos. katie and i took turns screaming at it. i was much calmer then. in may i hit the sand under the shallow pools in athens, too, after a destabilising encounter with a ghost at a wedding. the currents were strong but much more shallow than i imagined. i was surprised, for a second, when i floated.
the simple physics of being waterborne is a reminder of the body even when youd rather not. if the only reason i can spend time sweating wobbly-naked next to strangers at everyones favourite cod-balinese spa with nary a care in the world is because i am not always so sure if i exist, if i am visible, then the act of plunging into the frozen tub and noticing my skin, the unstoppable inhale, is what brings me back into the collision course with the truth; this greying girl is fatally permanently tied to her vessel, which, leaky as it may be, floats.
*
iv.
I was SO delighted to be joined by akka for a gently flowmotional two hours via their beautiful and profound guest mix. this one was born of our long distance appreciation collabexchange and mutual fandom. Shareeka Helaluddin is an experimental artist, radio producer and community facilitator; currently working on unceded Gadigal Country. Creating under the pseudonym akka, her sound practice explores temporality, drone, dissonance, memory, ritual and a pursuit of deeper listening.
On the show they go deep here on the sense of resistance in the bones, in the flows of the movement for palestine solidarity in Sydney, the politics behind their radio work on FBI Radio as part of Race Matters, and much more. her selections are deeply moving. I hope you enjoy, here’s the tracklist.
thank you akka for being part of the spiral, thank you for listening, the algorithm just absolutely buried this one so i hope it reaches some of you.
take your time and stay moist, perhaps i’ll see you when the icicles xo
